Every morning I wake up and look around my room at all the pictures of my wonderful time at Summit Semester. Every morning a now all-too-familiar weight in my heart settles for a moment as all the wonderful memories of the three months I spent at Snow Wolf Lodge come flooding into my thoughts. As I push those thoughts, mingled with joy and grief to the back of my mind, and drag myself out of bed toward my morning cup(s) of coffee, I can’t helped but be moved by the lasting impact of my time at Summit Semester. Although as time marches forward and I look back fondly at my time there, I realize these memories will be with me for a lifetime, and as life gets back to “normal” it is a new kind of normal that has been altered now for good.
It has been two months since that fateful trip from Durango to San Francisco marking the end of one very great adventure. I was heartbroken to leave my home in Pagosa Springs, but also very excited to see my family again and to see what God had in store for the next chapter of my life. I was also full of passion for what I had just learned at Summit Semester and was determined to put it to consistent practice. But now as I look back over the two months that I’ve been home, I don’t have much to show for them. Oh sure, I’ve STARTED plenty of books, but the only book I’ve actually finished is the third installment of the Hunger games trilogy. Yeah, I’ve exercised a few times, but my fingers get the most exercise from being on the computer all time. And of course I try to spend time with Jesus, and certainly I have the time to, but because of my lazy sinfulness it doesn’t always happen. Let’s just say (and I’m being overly kind to myself) the transition from Semester to Home is anything but an easy one. The fact is, I’m wallowing. I’m living mostly in the past with a few brief visits to the present. I can’t imagine I’m the only one, but I am the only one I’m responsible for.
In the joy and sadness I feel surrounding my thoughts about Semester, I am continually struck by the fact that I will never be going back to the life and community I had for those three months in Colorado. That is often a very hard thing to swallow, and it is often that thought that cripples me and keeps me from moving forward. But what I have come to realize is that the only way to truly honor and enjoy the memories of my experience, is to live out PRESENTLY the things I lived and learned in the past. As hard as leaving was, we went there for a PURPOSE, and that purpose could not be fully realized UNTIL we left. So there it is, my new normal. Living presently, intentionally, and joyfully, filled with God’s grace, until the next adventure.
…. And I am almost finished with A Severe Mercy. So, good, now two books….
It has been two months since that fateful trip from Durango to San Francisco marking the end of one very great adventure. I was heartbroken to leave my home in Pagosa Springs, but also very excited to see my family again and to see what God had in store for the next chapter of my life. I was also full of passion for what I had just learned at Summit Semester and was determined to put it to consistent practice. But now as I look back over the two months that I’ve been home, I don’t have much to show for them. Oh sure, I’ve STARTED plenty of books, but the only book I’ve actually finished is the third installment of the Hunger games trilogy. Yeah, I’ve exercised a few times, but my fingers get the most exercise from being on the computer all time. And of course I try to spend time with Jesus, and certainly I have the time to, but because of my lazy sinfulness it doesn’t always happen. Let’s just say (and I’m being overly kind to myself) the transition from Semester to Home is anything but an easy one. The fact is, I’m wallowing. I’m living mostly in the past with a few brief visits to the present. I can’t imagine I’m the only one, but I am the only one I’m responsible for.
In the joy and sadness I feel surrounding my thoughts about Semester, I am continually struck by the fact that I will never be going back to the life and community I had for those three months in Colorado. That is often a very hard thing to swallow, and it is often that thought that cripples me and keeps me from moving forward. But what I have come to realize is that the only way to truly honor and enjoy the memories of my experience, is to live out PRESENTLY the things I lived and learned in the past. As hard as leaving was, we went there for a PURPOSE, and that purpose could not be fully realized UNTIL we left. So there it is, my new normal. Living presently, intentionally, and joyfully, filled with God’s grace, until the next adventure.
…. And I am almost finished with A Severe Mercy. So, good, now two books….
Good, good thoughts Amy. It is so hard to be responsible for our NOW isn't it? Looking back fondly on a good thing has its place. Looking forward to new things is also wise. But living in the NOW is what we have been given. We are influenced by the past and use those lessons and friendships to shape the future...
ReplyDeleteIt all reminds me of Perelandra, where Ransom wants to eat the fruit again, but realises he is satisfied. Later he tries new fruits on the floating island, excellent fruits he would have missed if he went back to the incredible one he ate first. Various things in life are the fruit that nourish us... We get both exquisite, euphoric tastes of what is to come (Semester!), and the hardy and nutritious fruits of 'normal' life. We need both. And we can't keep going back to the euphoric fruit's memory, we need sustenance in the NOW.
Just some thoughts from someone who has been in your shoes (twice)... The now is worthy of giving thanks for, too. Thanks for sharing your heart here!
~ Jody
Post Script: A Severe Mercy is phenomenal. I hope you are enjoying it!
Delete~ J